Archive for April, 2008
Tuesday, April 15th, 2008
What it means: “Though I’m obviously paying only cursory attention to the sounds my mouth makes, the general idea is that this conversation is ending on a positive, service-oriented note.”
What you’re really saying: “I know this script by heart, almost.”
When to say it: Anytime you want to end a conversation, say this to feel courteous yet unburdened of the weight of sincerity. It is important to leave no gaps in your delivery, as a cunning opponent will use this opportunity to resurrect the expiring dialogue, thereby exposing you to the possibility of actually providing further help. Try it at dinner parties (after dinner), conference calls, and funerals.
UNHIDING MY GRIEVANCE
I was dabbling in Microsoft Excel (read: erasing all joy from my life) one day, when I stumbled upon a chilling command in the Format menu I dared not execute: UNHIDE. The item’s Orwelliance is twofold… threefold if you stretch your sense of humor to Leno-like extremes, and fourfold if you’re really into folding. FOLD ONE: In 1984, my favorite of 3 total novels I have read in my life, Orwell wrote of a dystopian future in which the intricate and whimsical beauties of our language were purged in favor of thought-controlling, expressionless communication. Bad was replaced with “ungood”, terrible became “plusungood”, and egregious spawned “doubleplusungood*”. It’s easy to imagine the blatantly subversive options reveal, display, show, expose, and the obstreperous evince being replaced in one steel-toed stomp with the cold, gray non-word unhide. FOLD TWO: There’s a certain creepiness about “unhiding” something. It’s like Microsoft is saying, “We know what you are concealing. Take this opportunity to purify your covetous ego and seek forgiveness.” FOLD THREE: Something funny about the parallels between Bill Gates and Big Brother!!!
OK enough balderdashery, plz explain why Microsoft made up “unhide” when there are tons of real words I like more.
