RARE BACTERIA
I literally do not have the energy to wax entertaining on this issue. For placing a red-hot light bulb in the brain of a living human being, for moving said light bulb to said human being’s throat and exploding it, for granting said human being coherence for no more than 6 hours per day, for forcing said human being to perform a surreal midnight medicine ritual for a fortnight, for afflicting said human being with a lengthy list of bizarre symptoms (including an inexplicable and fortunately temporary blue foot), and for keeping said human being from updating his or her blog: rare bacteria = no.