BORED IN SPACE sketchbooks are now officially in stock at the best store in Columbus, Wholly Craft! on North High Street (Clintonville, they call it). I have trouble with my ROI at this store because while they sell sketchbooks like crazy, I ALWAYS BUY LOADS OF AWESOME THINGS EVERY TIME I GO IN. It is in your best interest to visit at once.

We’re also on Etsy, if you’re into paying the exact same price in a way that denies me a few cents. WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU.

Dudes, I am so pumped to announce BORED IN SPACE: the new infinite edition of sketchbooks for you to buy. There are so many awesome things about these sketchbooks, I must make a bulleted list.

• They have the 2 most awesome aesthetic qualities in one package: chrome foil and fluorescent color. This will absolutely blow your mind.
• They are the most affordable BORED sketchbook yet. $7.99
• They are filled with the heaviest weight paper BORED has ever used; you can draw with a Sharpie and have confidence it will not bleed to the next page.
• This paper comes in 5 killer colors. Choose your favorite or get all 5 in a gift set for $36.99.
• The cover is actually a sheet of foil-coated bubble cushion, which means a UFO could crash directly into your sketchbook and not only would it survive, the Men In Black would confiscate it because they would think it was debris from the craft.

You can buy In Space sketchbooks here.

You can download In Space wallpapers here.

P.S. BORED has a new Facebook Fan Page and you can follow me on Twitter. The Twitter thing is hit-or-miss. You’ve been warned.

You know how sometimes you sit through a fireworks display, and the grand finale comes and it’s all out of synch with “Proud to be an American” playing over the radio and it ends 2 minutes short and they overuse the lame green ones? This is kind of like that.

I paved my road to Hell by intending to make a big Bored announcement today, but a migraine yesterday and a (maybe) broken thumb today are telling me, IT’S NOT HAPPENING.

Well, the announcement still exists, but it’s not finalized or polished up or even READY, but good enough to bet on… so here is a giant marketing fart for you to hear and smell:

We’re launching a new sketchbook line!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (exclamation points in lieu of photography). The new sketchbook will be at once the most durable, slickest, radicalest, and most affordable option for which you have ever had the opportunity to shovel me money. They look really sweet and people are pumped about them. They were just tagged by NASA to be the only sketchbook certified to withstand atmospheric reentry on 9 out of 10 extrasolar planets. THAT’S HUGE.

…So, more to come I guess. Sorry kind of.

THE MIGRAINE

I had ideas for what to write today but I have been battling the residual effects of a migraine, mainly staring into space and taking Advil. AND THOUGH I AM HALFASSING MY BLOG, I AM WINNING THE WAR. WITH EVERY NEW VOLLEY INTO MY CRANIAL ARENA, I WELCOME THE MIGRAINE, FOR NOTHING BRINGS ME MORE JOY THAN TO SLAY IT.

One thing I shall never cease to believe is that every migraine I have is a result of my brain expanding into new capabilities. Pain? HA, I laugh. A few hundred more migraines and I will be able to read your mind. WELL WORTH IT.

Because it must know its worst attack is so insignificant I haughtily look forward to the next—migraine = yes.

THESE DIAGONAL LINES I PUT EVERYWHERE

I don’t know why, I just like them OK so these diagonal lines I put everywhere = yes.

I really like this new game™™, and since it inspired my last entry, I think we should play it twice this week.

[Childhood Affiliations]

SHARKS

They look like monsters and they never stop moving their entire life. They kill in 3 dimensions. They are awesome to draw and have nightmares about. They rake in millions at the box office. I am friends with a lot of them and they are all cool and nice. The shark is the only animal I can think of that is often referred to as a “machine” (killing and eating, popularly). They are so dangerous they retro-evolved a warning fin so that they wouldn’t cause every other species to go extinct by eating them. They can hear 3 miles inland and understand most Romance languages. They are infinitely better than horses. In fact they are the best animal.

Seriously, look at all the blood: sharks = yes.

MYSPACE

Where do I begin? Ah, a flimsy metaphor.

Using Myspace was kind of like puff painting a shirt. In premise, you could do something cool and creative, but in practice it was an uncontrollable mess that never turned out the way you wanted, and no matter how hard you tried, you always made something ultimately as horrible as the next guy.

Spoiler: From here on, puff paint wins

But you know what I liked about puff painted shirts? Other people’s puff painted shirts never played Maroon 5 when I looked at them. When I squeezed my puff paint bottles, no advertisements for High School Musical 2 nor temptations to learn my death date by taking a quiz came out. Just paint. And while it would be quite an inappropriate venue, my puff painted shirts never so much as gave an opportunity for my acquaintances to announce uncomfortably personal things upon them. I never once woke up to find my puff painted shirt had been modified with a collar, a police badge, 3 pockets, some fringe, 14 extra sleeves and no more neck hole. People need neck holes. My puff painted shirts never required me to email a picture of myself to verify my identity just to put them in a different drawer. And most importantly, when I decided the puff painted shirt’s life was over, by God, I sent that demon into a pyre the flames of which show mercy on no shirt. And thus it ceased to be.

And you know what I liked about Myspace? Telling Tom to set his servers on fire.

Because it is an affront to human civilization, and shirts, myspace = no.

Here’s a NEW one for you! So nice I trademarked it twice™™

To play, just read the following excerpts from my actual online domain chats, and use a little brainpower to figure out how a human conversation could produce that priceless gem. Post your guesses in the comments, or keep them to yourself and pretend you are a close confidante!

***BONUS*** For this first taste of The Context Game™™™, I am offering not one, not four, but THREE introductory chat-excerpts™! That’s over 10000% more chat-excerpts® than the leading competitor! HERE:

[1: Misconceptions]

[2: Healthy Snacks]

[3: Art and Science]