VERBAL VAMPIRISM
If you say an idea and someone kills it, then resurrects it to serve their own dark purposes a couple of days later, they’re a verbal vampire. Once an idea turns vampiric, there is almost no way to re-kill it. Ironically, vampire ideas are the ONLY ideas that see the light of day.
Because immortality is truly a curse, verbal vampirism = no.
2 STEPS AT A TIME
I have to walk well over 100 steps every day just to get from my parking lot to the office. If there is one thing I have learned from this, it’s that leaping two of those effers at a time is one of the most satisfying things a human being can do, for a cornucopia of reasons: 1) you get where you’re going faster, 2) you get a little exercise, 3) you feel more accomplished than the average, single-step taker, 4) to others, you appear either in a hurry (important) or like a little kid (awesome), and 5) you reduce your carbon footprint by literally making fewer footprints*.
Because single steps are so… unsatisfying: 2 steps at a time = yes.
*disputed
TRASHCAN FORCEFIELDS
It seems like about 40% of the things I try to throw away miss. I am not good at basketball, but I would be if I was 50 feet tall, which is the approximate proportion of me to the average trashcan. I should not miss this much, but somehow my garbage often hits the rim of the can, or goes into the can (victory) only to impact another object and ricochet to no-man’s land (defeat). And throwing away sheets of paper? God, I must have about a 4% win rate in this arena. I am convinced there is no reliable way to throw or drop a sheet of paper into a trashcan successfully. Just try your best and prepare to be infuriated.
There’s only one way to explain this phenomena, and trashcan forcefields = no.
What it means: [???]
What you’re really saying: [???]
When to say it: Apparently when you’re delivering my pizza.
WHAT YOU MEAN/WHAT YOU’RE SAYIN’
Sometimes your conversation partner gets lost in his or her own world. You want to understand why she had to break the cat’s leg to save it; or how he ended the engagement because she was just, like, pissing him off all the time; or how the hundreds of other invisible, parallel dimensions totally explain ghosts, dreams, UFOs, religion, consciousness, and like, all that stuff, no, seriously, it’s like, totally possible, he saw it on Discovery; but… it’s complicated. Just remember, moments like this are what make you a great friend, because you know what he/she’s sayin’.
Now, if I may be bold, please consider my opinion: Anytime someone asks, “Know what I’m sayin’?” or “Know what I mean?”, they know you probably don’t, because even they know what they just said was impossible to follow. Simply reply, “No yeah totally,” and move on.
Because there is no possible way I could: what you mean/what you’re sayin’ = no.
The Leimgruber Superspecial Edition is featured on NOTCOT!
Check it out, and click the heart because you love it.
Announcing the long-awaited-yet-so-worth-it first extension to the BORED sketchbooks lineup: The Jason Leimgruber Superspecial Edition.
With this edition, we’re doing something new. Since each book is 100% original and absolutely unique, we’re giving you the power to choose the one that moves you. You’ll select your favorite cover art when you buy it, and a few days later, you’ll have that exact book in your hands—and only your hands.So grab yours before some other clown beats you to it. Jason only made 50, and only one meant just for you.
We’ve reached a milestone of awesome proportions: 100 members of our Facebook group. How did we get so many? BECAUSE IT IS THE BEST GROUP WITH THE BEST STUFF IN IT.
Haven’t you joined BORED creative people yet? Get real.
